Not Cool.

My poor biggest boy is so nervous about his MRI tomorrow that he almost threw up tonight. How unfair is that? 9 year olds should not have to worry about stuff like this... his brain should be full of normal 9 year old stuff - video games, girls he likes, music on his mp3 player. Not MRIs. Or oncology visits. Or cancer period. I wish I could take away his stress and add it to mine.... it breaks my heart that he's so worried. I hope he has a better day tomorrow. I'm so ready for this scan to just be done.

Boo for cancer...

Ugh. Joshua has his MRI on Wednesday. Why is it that once a year I have to go through all those yucky, nasty cancer feelings all over again. Once the scan is over, I will be able to neatly pack them away until next year. However, right now, my emotions are all over the place. I am not a fan. My little boy is scared this time. He's never been scared for a scan like this before. I try to talk to him about it, but I don't even think he knows exactly why he's worried. That sucks. At least if he can express, we can process and face it head on. That's not happening this time. Instead, we get to wait it out, knowing that after Wednesday, we can go back to our happy place and not think about cancer for a while. We're not expecting anything funky. He's so far out from diagnosis that he should be just fine. But, it's the "not knowing 100% for sure" and the "this happened once before" that gets in the way of those positive vibes... I look forward to seeing our oncologist and awesomely fabulous nurse at DeVos Children's Hospital. They are always so excited when they see us because of what a success story Joshua is. That's it.... I need to hold onto "success story". Maybe that will help me get a handle on my emotions. Maybe not, but at least it's worth a try. We scan Wednesday evening. I hope we get results quickly. I don't really want to wait until our oncology appointment. We've never had a scan first and then an oncology visit second... usually we see the oncologist for the "pre-MRI physical" and then we scan another day. I might have to put a call into the nurse... if she doesn't realize we're scanning on Wednesday, she might not know to call me with results ASAP :)