Silence

So, I sat down last night and wanted to do a blog post. I stared at the screen and came up with nothing... Kind of frustrating, but what are you going to do. I was just tired from the day, I think. 

This morning, I was drinking coffee and listening to the quiet and I decided what I wanted to write about: Silence.

I was actually going to post this on Sunday, but we ended up getting busy (so busy that I didn't even watch a single football game! That's unheard of!). At our Sunday School class, our topic of discussion was on silence. More specifically, one of our pastors, Pastor Nick, had taken a week long sabbatical at The Hermitage in Three Rivers. He took a vow of silence for the week in order to listen. He had a laundry list of things he wanted to "discuss" with God. He was telling us some things about it and I was really captivated. How he struggled, how it worked for him, what it was like. I guess it's amazing what you can hear when you're being quiet.

I'm not a good listener - people who know me well will tell you that's true. I always have "something important" to add to the conversation and I'm not very patient at waiting for my turn to talk, or even not talking at all and just listening. I'm a mom - we fix things - that's just how I'm wired! I'm not going to apologize for it - call it a character flaw. But, I do try to make a conscious effort to listen more than I speak sometimes. 

Pastor Nick said that he is going to have a weekend retreat this spring/summer that will include the taking of a vow of silence. Rick and I both want to do it (although Rick says we're bringing two separate tents so we can have our own space and our own silence, even away from each other). I'm excited about it... I think it will be a good chance to listen and give God a chance to speak without yelling. I'm REALLY good at talking to God - I've never struggled with that. I have a harder time listening for God's response. Especially if it's something I don't really want to hear, or even worse sometimes, when I have to wait for his response and it's not on "my schedule". Patience is not a virtue I have a good handle on yet...

I think I'm just worried that I won't get that "experience" of hearing God loud and clear. I feel like it would be terrible to have anything less than an awesome experience of hearing God speak to you through a burning bush or something. Like what if I'm trying my best to listen and I still don't hear? I think that would be so discouraging... It's not like he's ever forsaken me before, but like I said, it's not always on my time frame and I struggle with that "waiting for a response". 

My sister sent me a book a long time ago, it's called "You're Late Again, Lord!" and it's all about God's timing versus our timing. I think I need to read it again because that is another thing I haven't mastered yet...

Maybe I'll start silence in small doses and see if I'm better able to hear things.