Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Just an Update

Figured it was time for an update. First off, nothing new on my test results yet... hopefully any day now. I guess these results can take a couple of weeks, but I'll be calling the doc again today and find out if they've been forwarded to my OB/GYN yet. I'd really love to get this taken care of. As much as I try to remember I'm NO DIFFERENT than I was before I got the results back, I'm still struggling with the "not knowing" part. I have a feeling I'm not going to like what comes of the follow-up appointment, but I really hope that's just Satan trying to make me feel what's not real. Once I can get in for the follow-up appointment and see what's going on, that will help. If you know me at all, you know I struggle with patience and waiting. I'm not very good at it, ESPECIALLY when it comes to stuff like this. I just keep thinking that my first pap EVER was abnormal (when I was 18 years old), and then the follow-up for that was fine and I had clear paps until my post-partum with Logan. And then the follow-up for that was fine, and I've had clear paps again until this one.... I just feel like if there was something going on, it's had a lot of time to get bad. Plus the other ones were low grade changes, and this one is high grade. That's scarier to me...

But, like I said before, my God is bigger than that. And he will never give me more than I can handle. That said, though, I think the scariest part of all of this is knowing that if I do end up having cancer, that will mean that 50% of my family will have had cancer... is it fair that after going through it with Joshua that Rick and I might have to go through it again with me? Not fair at all. And what about the rest of our family? Our parents? Grandparents? Siblings? Should they have to deal with it again? Of course not... but life isn't always fair. I just hope that it's NOT something that we have to deal with. The thought of what it will do to my family is more scary to me than what it will mean for me, although I'm plenty scared for myself.

Onto better, not so depressing stuff.... I don't need those thoughts in my head today. We're doing well with unpacking the new house! I got my office all set up and organized yesterday. That felt REALLY good. I love having my own "space" and being able to find all the important stuff that I need. Our house is actually coming along. I have some work to do in Josh and Logan's room - putting up shelves, moving a bookcase (I think) and a little rearranging, but not too much. Our bedroom DESPERATELY needs to be re-done cosmetically. There is wallpaper in there that I hate, a really dark wood chair rail halfway up the wall that needs to go, and a couple of other small things, but that'll happen eventually. I can't wait for warm weather so I can repaint in my bedroom and bathroom (the only 2 rooms that haven't been freshly repainted)!!

The living room has some furniture that needs to be swapped out once we get the basement set up and I don't really have any of our personal stuff up yet, but again, that'll happen. I finally got the kitchen all organized, which makes a huge difference. I have significantly fewer boxes laying around then I did last week, which is a good thing :)

Rick's cousin is moving and they bought all new furniture for their new house. We SCORED and got all their old (but in REALLY good condition) carpet and furniture for our basement. Saved us a TON of money!! Rick's helping them finish moving this week. They live like 5 minutes away from us now, which is way cool. It's nice to have some people I know so close by. I know some people in Whitehall, but not many, so it's easy to feel a little lonely. Although once the house is in order, we can invite people over and hopefully that will help. And, when it warms up, it'll nice to venture out and check out the neighbors :)

Well... that's about how life is for us right now. Lots of stuff going on, but it'll all work itself out, one way or another. If you could keep us in your thoughts, though, that would be great.

Have a blessed week!!

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Keep us updated. I have been checking daily to find out what the results are. Just know that God will bring you through. My cancer was a blessing, but if you had told me that when I was newly diagnosed, I would have kicked you. :-) But, know that a blessing comes out of everything, and that no matter what happens in the next week, you are under His wing. Good luck - I'll keep praying for you.